one more day without doing anything,only thinking on how my life is passing,better said...ending...regreting to waste the last 10 years and feeling sad that this doesnt change.
in addition i dont have the parents support i would have liked, in consequence either the studies n job i would like,no health, no relationship i would like either, why when it seems that nothing can be worse..it gets worse.
anyways, i would change all,studies,job,travels, relationship, parents for health,the only way to have a normal life. for me.
as i go i guess my young time is gona end waiting i can have the health i want and the life i want.
im gona enter in the 30s i didnt study the career i wanted, i didnt work, i didnt save, i dont have the family i thought i would have liked to start at my 27 after to achieve my proffesional goals and few personal ones that are linked together.
i have a mother that is more a maid, that just get worried but doesnt do much unless one makes a drama, my father is someone who doesnt mind. for the cherry of the cake i found someone who is sweet but thats it, who is in the same condition, no studies, no work but just because is not in is interest more than because is not possible all that equal to???....i guess failure
even if is trying to "start" to do things...is boring and frustating to be wanting to do so many things and to see the ones who can do it they just dont mind at all.
i know the life is not perfect and others live worse, but who really compares themselves with worse than them??...is it intelligent??...doesnt it help to advance???...no...i compare myself with who i would like to be...with what i would like to do...thats have to effects on me...first to get down me...cuz i see what others achieve and it disappoints me i "cant" do it, but also it encourages me to make more efforts if not to be equal to get the closer i can to those goeals.
the efforts i do to get a normal life are going in turttle time, so even being myself the one that is blocking me ,im not either crazy to do it just cuz i want, i just hope the things change lill faster now. the last days i felt encouraged to change more and different things of my life,i hope it last .
even inside the deepest darkness i dont know but i always end with this damn hope that makes me to keep going on.
even hating my life and the ppl inside..few times not all the time...i end with the conclusion that in all the ways i love them.
i heard once a phrase..."love is given not desserved". i hate it but is truth.
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